Is Mommy Going to be Okay?
by The Smiling Shadow
Summary: His mom was never there for him. His mom was in the hospital. His mom's heart was broken. Then her head became broken. Thomas's A. Anderson's mom never came back from the hospital. And she only gave him a teddy bear that he named Neo.


Is Mommy Going To Be Okay?  
  
"Daddy, is mommy going to be okay?"  
  
"Sure she will, Tommy, sure she will..."  
  
Daddy sounded sad. Daddy always sounded sad after that...  
  
Years go by, Years and Years, he don't keep track, days seems like weeks, you know when you're young everything takes forever. Just wait five minutes Dad would say, but five minutes takes forever to pass, a child of five doesn't have five minutes.  
  
The years that go by, and he notice Mommy isn't there.  
  
"Is mommy going to make it to my birthday?"  
  
"I don't know Tommy...I don't think she will..."  
  
"But mommy missed my last birthday..."  
  
"Mommy can't Tommy, she can't, mommy can't leave the hospital."  
  
Mommy was never there. Mommy never came home, and when he had to be left at school for hours, Daddy went to go see mommy. Daddy always went to see mommy, and Daddy would say Mommy said hi. Mommy always sent her love, always sent a hug and kiss, or maybe a teddy bear.  
  
"Tell mommy I named him Neo!" He'd yell with delight.  
  
"Where'd did you get the name Neo, Tommy?" Daddy would ask.  
  
"From the sign at the Candy Store!"  
  
He would point at the sign that read "Neon" with the last "n" burned out. And his Daddy would smile.  
  
"Tell mommy I can read now!" He would say, proud of himself.  
  
Always away from his mommy. Only visiting ever so often. His mommy would smile at him, and he would smile at her, and tell her to say goodbye to Neo too. And she would.  
  
"Where's your mom, Tommy?" His friend would ask.  
  
"My mommy is at the hospital." He would say, not saying "hospital" correctly.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because my mommy's heart is broken."  
  
"That doesn't sound good."  
  
"No, but mommy will get better soon. Daddy said so, Mommy just needs some special medicine. That's all, like when she'd used to give me that yucky red stuff."  
  
Mommy's heart was broken, so was her repertory system, being eaten away by a Virus, by a cancer.  
  
Mommy was always broken. Mommy was never there. Tommy only had Neo, that he'd sleep with every night, and whisper in that bear's ear.  
  
"Make mommy come home tomorrow, okay?" He would say.  
  
And Neo, Neo the bear would sleep with him, and say okay, but mommy never came.  
  
"You lied, Neo! Why didn't mommy come back! You lied Neo! You lied!" Tommy would hit the bear, as if punishing him.  
  
And then he would cry with Neo, and say he was sorry and he didn't mean it. Tommy would go to his Daddy, who would be on the computer all day, researching cancer, once and a while finding some psycho talking about reality being no reality. Saying there is no cancer in his wife. It isn't real. Just say it isn't real, and make her heal herself.  
  
Tommy would try and make Daddy come and tell Neo and him a bedtime story, but Daddy never really had time.  
  
Then as the years went by, the homework became harder, and he had less time to go see mommy at the hospital.  
  
Soon mommy just became mom, and daddy, dad. And Neo, throughout the years stayed Neo, his teddy bear that his mom gave him. Neo, the teddy bear.  
  
Tommy soon graduated elementary school, and no one there to see him get his Principle's honor award. He looked to the audience, dad was with mom again.  
  
"Where's your mom, Tommy?" His friends would ask him.  
  
He'd look down.  
  
"My mom is in the hospital." He would say.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Cause she has cancer okay! Her heart is broken okay!" He'd scream.  
  
"Tommy...?"  
  
Then Tommy would run away. Just like he always did.  
  
Run home, holding back the tears, trying not to get angry at his mom for never being there, trying not to scream at his dad for ignoring him. That is how things go, that is how it must be.  
  
"Is mom gonna be okay?" He'd ask at Neo.  
  
And Neo, the brown little bear his mom gave him, would only stare.  
  
Then Tommy would turn to his computer, forget his homework, and start pressing on the keyboard.  
  
And in the dim light his computer gave, he heard about a teenaged hacker named Trinity.  
  
"I got you some flowers, mom." He handed her some roses.  
  
"Oh, Tommy." She'd whisper.  
  
"Mom..."  
  
He graduated middle school, again no one in the audience, cheering for him.  
  
He'd come home to an empty house, Dad probably at mom's or work. Things had gotten worse. School was getting expensive, and Dad had to work more.  
  
So he'd go into his room, the computer still buzzing with noise. The obnoxious noise welcoming him to the world wide web, where no one judges him, no one thinks he's the dork that never talks, the kid no one cares about, whose friends abandoned him, the kid with no mom. On the web, connected to all of the rest of the world, he was Neo. And he was a beginning hacker in search of a mentor.  
  
He'd look to his favorites, to the news, to see if Morpheus had done anything big lately. He'd smile when he see another major hack in California or something like that. And in the corner of the screen, where he'd never look, there was a missing person add.  
  
And behind him, put on a shelf above his bed was his bear his mom gave him, Neo.  
  
As the years slip by, school doesn't seem that important, the mocking he gets doesn't seem as hurtful. The councilors, lectuaring to him the importance of school isn't as bad anymore. And his dad missing the parent teacher conferences isn't as disappointing.  
  
That's just the way it is now. That's the way it's always been. And always will be.  
  
Then he goes back to his room, back to his computer, and starts hacking the school to change his grades.  
  
The cold microwavable dinners he has by himself, he sits in front of the computer. He doesn't even watch TV on the TV anymore, just download the show off the internet. It's simple.  
  
He smiles, Morpheus just hacked the main system in England. At the bottom of the screen, another missing person add.  
  
"My mom has cancer. The virus is spreading to her heart. She's getting worse." He'd IM to a complete stranger.  
  
"Is she alright?" Someone called the RedQueen would reply.  
  
"I don't know, she's never been alright."  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"Why, you didn't do this to me."  
  
He says "me" instead of "her." Because he thinks he has taken most of the pain, and he may be right.  
  
And the little bear on top of his bed, named Neo would stare.  
  
He walks down to the Candy Store for some cheap food, Dad didn't leave a lot for him that day. And he sees the Neon sign, with the last N still burned out. It makes him smile briefly.  
  
"Tom, Mom told me to tell you she misses you." His dad says.  
  
But Tom just walks right by him.  
  
"Tom! She still loves you!"  
  
But he doesn't hear, as he slams the door shut, separating himself from the world that hurt him so much. Then he'd put on the headphones, and grab Neo, the bear, and try to forget. Try and try, and fail.  
  
And then the tears will start streaming down his face.  
  
"Is mom gonna be okay?" He ask to his bear.  
  
And Neo, the bear would never answer him.  
  
He huddle up with his bear, and cry. All he wanted was his mom. All he wanted for her to be there when he needed her. All he wanted was for his mommy to get better and come home.  
  
And on his computer screen, RedQueen would sign on. And she would IM him.  
  
"Hey, is your mom feeling better?" She'd ask, Instant messaging him.  
  
But he wouldn't notice, and he'd just cry and cry in his dark room.  
  
And as the years go by nothing gets better. He packs Neo, the bear in his bag, along with everything else. Tears down the posters, and packs his computer away.  
  
He leaves without saying goodbye, and goes to college.  
  
Alone, isn't that what he wanted? Alone in his college room, his roommate never there. Alone with his computer, seeing Morpheus doing another big hack in Australia, and anther missing person add in the corner.  
  
Then someone Instant messages him, and asks "What is the Matrix?"  
  
"Hey, Tom, where's your mom?" His roommate asks.  
  
"She's in the hospital."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Cause she has cancer, and it's spreading to her brain." He says void of emotion.  
  
Then his roommate leaves, and he grabs Neo, the bear, and cries.  
  
He's just graduated his master's degree. Maybe with the help of a few hacks. He goes up the elevator, holding roses and a bear. He walks into the cold hospital to his mom.  
  
"It's Neo!" She would smile. "I thought I'd never see this bear again."  
  
He'd hand her the bear, and she's see the tearing fur, and black eye chipping off. Then she'd look at Tom and smile.  
  
And he'd smile back, wondering how could see live her entire life in a hospital? What kept her going? What made her want to live like this? Was it him?  
  
The only happiness she gives him is at the little visits like this.  
  
He had to move again, couldn't afford his last apartment. He got fired from his last job anyway. It's hard moving like this. Again and again, with all his computer shit.  
  
But he gets by somehow.  
  
He helps his landlady take out her garbage so she'll give him another day to pay the rent. He has to sell pirated stuff. He has to get a futon for a bed in his small room, where it seems to rain all the time.  
  
And Neo, the bear is sitting on his bookshelf, near "Simulacra and Simulation" and next to a picture of a little boy he once knew, and a happy dad and mom.  
  
He doesn't look at the picture that much anymore, or hold Neo, or even cry.  
  
How long since he last visited? He doesn't remember, and plans not to.  
  
And the computer runs searches for Morpheus, searches for Matrix.  
  
The phone rings, and he lets it.  
  
"Tom. Listen to me, Tom. Pick up the damn phone! Listen, mom is in coma. They don't know how long she can take it." It's his dad.  
  
And he just turns away, and puts on the headphones.  
  
He escapes into the world wide web, wondering why the RedQueen hasn't signed in since he graduated college. He looks at the news, a missing person ad pops up, and he closes it without any regard.  
  
Then he grabs Neo, the bear, and cries.  
  
Countless days, a lifetime spent without his mother. She should have died long ago, spared him the pain. A lifetime of being alone. A father that was never there, friends that would always leave him, only a teddy bear that his mother gave him a long time ago.  
  
He falls asleep with the sound of his computer to comfort him. He dreams about her, and dreams about the Matrix.  
  
He has nightmares, nightmares that he's always had ever since he can remember. Of men in suits chasing him. He awakes, and wishes his mom would make the nightmares go away.  
  
Then he wakes up to another day, with Neo in his arms. He turns to his side, and gets up, throwing Neo on the bed. He makes some coffee, goes to the computer, and just starts hacking.  
  
He puts the headphones on, and escapes the world like he always had. The horrible world, that has cursed his entire family. The world that kept so many answers from him.  
  
He starts running a search on Morpheus and Matrix.  
  
Then staring at the screen he knew so well by now, he falls asleep into the computer and music.  
  
And dreams of men in suits coming for him.  
  
The phone rings, but he doesn't hear.  
  
"Tom. Tom, please pick up..." The voice of the father that was never there. "Tom!" His father begins to cry. "Tom...Mom...Mom just died, just minutes ago. Tom, she told me to tell you. She told me to tell you to believe, and she loves you. She loves you and Neo. Tom...Oh God, Tom. Mom loves you, Tom. Mom loves you!"  
  
Then the father hangs up.  
  
And Thomas A. Anderson, alias Neo, still sleeps in front of his computer, dreaming of dreams. Dreams becoming more real than the reality he lives in.  
  
Then something comes up on his computer.  
  
"Wake up, Neo..."  
  
And he wakes up.  
  
He wakes to be freed, to be destined to become The One, to leave that bear his mom gave him, to leave his life of pain, and make his mom proud.  
  
He goes with the RedQueen, Trinity, and Morpheus, and never checked his answering machine. Never knew what happened to his mother.  
  
He goes, and never looks back, abandoning the bear his mom gave him, named Neo.  
  
And then, two months later, a missing person add pops up for a man named Thomas A. Anderson, and the person closes the add, without any regard.  
  
Neo kisses Trinity, and smiles at her.  
  
"You know, my mom would have loved you." He says.  
  
"Where is your mom?" Trinity asks.  
  
"At the hospital." 


End file.
